Today’s parents are faced with challenges that parents, even a few years ago, did not have to confront. Parenting never is an easy job, and parenting an ADD child is even more challenging. One of the major components of ADD is distractibility. The ADD child who is supposed to be concentrating, on homework, for example, finds it difficult to tune out the barrage of stimuli that are the norm in any modern household. The telephone rings, a sibling screams, the child’s stomach is rumbling as he waits for dinner, and the newest video on YouTube or message on My Space is just waiting to be seen—any or all of these conditions can distract the child’s attention.
In an era in which technology is supposed to make our lives easier, many parents find that this technology is making life more complicated than ever. Now, parents are distressed to find that their children are text messaging, internet chatting, or listening to loud music when they should be concentrating on reading, writing, and ‘rithmetic. What’s a parent to do?
The answers come down to plain old good parenting, whether the child has ADD or not. Set limits, provide structure, and learn to say NO. For example, one set of parents came to my office, distressed by their 14-year old daughter’s falling grades. When they revealed that she was texting her friends on her cell phone during homework hours, I suggested that they take away the phone until homework was done. They rejected the suggestion, saying that she would be furious and that they “couldn’t” do that to her. Obviously, these parents were enabling an out-of-control teenager. No amount of medication or counseling could substitute for their lack of ability to set some rules and enforce them. While some parents agree to let young children have cell phones so that they can check in and monitor the child’s safety, the phone certainly is not a necessity when the child is at home. As the child gets older, having the phone still is a privilege, and one that can and should be removed if the child abuses the privilege.
The use of the computer is a bit more tricky. On one hand, the ADD child’s distractibility suggests that keeping the computer in a quiet, private area, such as the child’s room, would provide the atmosphere necessary for concentration. On the other hand, we are all too aware that children with computers, left unsupervised, can be distracted, not to mention endangered, by all of the possible contacts that computers offer. So, what’s the answer? In addition to blocking programs to keep certain areas off limits, we recommend that, if possible, the computer not be left in a child’s room, especially that of a younger child. Parents can enforce a quiet time for homework and help their children with computer use. As the child grows up and may have more privacy, frequent random check-ins can help parents to monitor their children’s computer use. I have had parents who have told me that they cannot do this, because their teenagers are locked in their rooms and won’t let parents enter! In one case, we suggested that the teen lose the privilege of having a door on his room if he did not cooperate—that approach sounds harsh, but it worked. Again, the use of the computer without monitoring is a privilege that the child should earn. If the privilege is abused, it should be taken away.
The iPod, on the other hand, can be an ADD child’s best friend. While loud music may be a distraction (especially to parents!), music helps many ADD youngsters to study. It shuts out other more distracting background noise. Also, the rhythm of music seems to help students to get into the groove of reading or other extended work. In fact, many teachers that I know play soothing music in their classrooms when students are expected to read silently or work by themselves on math problems. Many students use classical or other less aggressive music for study, even when their musical preferences run to rock or rap the rest of the time. One warning, though, is that children who use earbuds be taught to keep the noise level down, to prevent hearing damage later in life.
Many of today’s kids have an amazing ability to concentrate and to multi-task, even amid distractions that make their parents crazy. Having grown up with different kinds of stimuli than those that their parents experienced, perhaps many of today’s kids are “wired” differently and able to handle multiple inputs. But ADD youngsters, already distractible, do not do well when they are barraged with ringing phones, beeping instant messages, and the constant temptations offered by available technology. It is up to their parents to establish guidelines and set limits, so that technology serves these children, rather than running their lives.
